Many people dream of it and many partners have been confronted with this proposal: having a threesome. Nearly one in five people (18%) have already tried the threesome: a practice more widespread among men (23% to have experienced it) than women (14%). According to a survey*, the threesome would also be the second sexual fantasy, just behind sex outdoors. A third of those questioned would like to try the experiment: 44% of men against 21% of women.

Threesomes, a purely male sexual fantasy?

Men are often the first to talk about it. However, according to several specialists, it is a fantasy present in each of us in a more or less conscious way, as Catherine Blanc explains at the microphone of Europe 1: “It brings into play the ego of a man or a woman wanting to be the center of attention, ”explains the sexologist. “It’s like the child who wanted the love of his mother and father be directed to him. This construction is carried over into sexuality with a very strong narcissistic feeling, since it gives the impression of being very strong, powerful, valued, loved twice as much and being the priority of two people”.

Different possible threesome scenarios

In a heterosexual couple, there are thus two ways of making love in threesome. The “two women and a man” composition is overwhelmingly favored by men. In this way, he can be the center of attention and becomes in his mind the only one who can make his partners come. This construction is however erroneous and very phallocentric, since the two women can reach orgasm without it. Besides, many men are excited by the idea of see two women making love. Moreover, heterosexual women are often much less reluctant to having sex with someone of the same sex only men. This is why the “two men and one woman” configuration is often less desired by men, who may see the other as a rival. However, some men may appreciate seeing their partner having fun with another man. We can see a form of masochism or of voyeurism but also quite simply an open-mindedness that lifts taboos.

They made love to three

Sabrina and her partner decided to get started, almost from the start of their relationship: “We have been in a relationship for 3 years and I always knew that I had an attraction for women. When my companion explained to me that his fantasy was a trio FFH, that made me smile. We registered on a libertine site and met two women, one of whom became a friend. We had a very good feeling and we see each other regularly without making love each time and when we get along, it’s always in sharing, sensuality, pleasure. It’s terribly exciting to give pleasure to two. We realized that it brought us closer. It’s hard to explain but it shows me how much he loves me and how much I love him. However, the couple continues for the most part to have sexual relations for two, but the arrival of a third person spices up their daily life.

Threesome lovemaking: good or bad idea for the couple?

For Marilyne, who appreciates this practice, it was still necessary to acclimatize to the situation: “The third time that we invited another woman to join us, I wanted to go beyond the preliminaries stage and I I wanted him to penetrate her. At the time, I admit that a little pinch in the heart appeared, I said to myself: ‘damn he made him come like he does with me'”, she admits, before continuing: “Then, I I finally found it exciting because we looked him and me in the eye when he took it. We developed a greater bond between him and me at that time, ”she adds. For Giulia, who also tested this experience before meeting the father of her children, it seems unthinkable to reiterate with the man she loves: “I liked discovering this experience with a trusted person, but I knew that I will not live with it. Today, I would find it hard to see the man I love giving pleasure to another,” she admits.

Jealousy, the main obstacle to the threesome

Still according to the same survey, it is indeed jealousy that slows down the passage to the act, for 49% of them and 41% fear that their guest is no more attractive than themselves towards their partner. Finally, 32% (28% of men and 35% of women) even fear that the latter will develop real feelings for this third participant. Marilyne, who knows the practice well, invites us to wonder about the real motivations behind this desire: “Most men have this fantasy of a threesome with 2 women, but what do they really want? Play with you and another? Or just permission to sleep with another? she asks. According to sexologist Catherine Blanc, one must indeed be vigilant when embarking on a couple threesome “It’s always difficult because a decision is often made by one and the other follows. The first is more able to live this experience, while the other followed out of love, out of excitement… Beware of the risk of jealousy, ”she warns.

Succeed in a threesome

Marilyne understands the reluctance towards the threesome and gives his opinion to those who would like to start without daring: “For this alchemy to be created, it is absolutely necessary to communicate, before, but also after. We can’t stay without talking to each other. On our side, we debrief each time. This helps to remove the slightest discomfort if ever, and it has an exciting side to be able to talk about it, ”she says. She also wishes to recall that “threesomes like the others libertine practices, are not practices to fill a lack, it is a question of dissociating the sex with its partner to create an additional complicity. It’s not about sleeping with another; it’s about associating an additional person with our practice to amplify sex with your partner. “, she concludes. Like what, as with all practices, the key word remains the same: dialogue.