Getting tied up during sex? It’s not just for the 50 Shades of Gray series. “I find it a bit hard,” says Anna, a friend of mine, during a conversation. However, tying up your partner or being tied up has been part of sexual games for a long time, although it is still sometimes considered a taboo practice. Moreover, if at first glance the term “bondage” is a little scary, you may even have already practiced it without really knowing it, with a ribbon to tie your partner’s hands for example. Or just by holding your partner’s wrists firmly enough to keep him from moving for a moment.

According to a survey by the Lelo sex toy brand, 76% of respondents have tried bondage at least once. 90% of respondents believe that BDSM is an integral part of a healthy and normal sex life. In Japan, where this practice originated, it is called the Shibari and it is practiced with ropes. He is a descendant of practices of torture, but do not worry, today, the attachment has the sole purpose of pleasure, even if it is in some cases BDSM practices.

What exactly is bondage?

This practice consists of having a sexual relationship during which one of the two partners is attached. This thus leads to a position de domination for those who attach and submission for those who are. The attached person lets go and surrenders completely to their partner. If in many cases the woman is attached, it is quite possible to reverse the roles. Bondage is also for men!

Know that different parts of the body can be restrained: if we are used to seeing the hands tied, to a chair or to the bars of a bed, the legs, the arms, but also the genitals and the chest can be surrounded of links. You can use ropes, but also handcuffs, silk or fabric ties. Bondage can lead to total immobilization of the body, this is called position du hog-tie. Be careful, the purpose of bondage is to constrain without causing pain.

How to make love attached?

As in any sexual practice, do not hesitate to explore and trust your instincts. As long as both partners are consenting, do not set yourself limits, as long as it remains within a framework of security, of course. If this is your first time trying it, you can start with softer experiences, to find out if it appeals to all partners. You can use handcuffs or restraints to tie your partner’s hands and lead the dance. A good idea would be to take on the two roles in turn: that of attaching or being attached. Even if ultimately, a single balance pleases you all, you will have a good idea of ​​what your partner may feel.

If you liked the experience, you can buy more specific material on any erotic toy site to go a little further in your exploration. Finally, if you want to take the next step, there are workshops to get you started. Curious, you can ask to be tied by a professional: “These moments allow you to address safety issues in the ropes, negotiations with your partner, notions of nerves and the practical basis with simple and double knots. , tensions and counter-tensions and body management during attachment and play”, emphasizes floZif, rope artist and shibarist who leads initiation workshops with the Démonia shop. It is also possible to consider bondage in more acrobatic positionsin suspension or semi-suspension, with specific equipment.

How to approach the question of bondage in your relationship?

If the idea of ​​getting hitched or tied appeals to you, it remains to talk to your partner about it. Like all new sexual practice, it can sometimes be a little awkward to address these questions. Don’t be. Present your desire as something healthy, as an experience that you want to share and you will see the reaction of the person in front of you. If she is totally refractory, do not insist too much, you take the risk of pointing her out and letting her mature her thinking. You may also be very surprised by the enthusiasm of your partner who will see it as a good way to spice up your antics as young parents.

The rules to follow to practice bondage

Even though bondage includes varying degrees of tie-up, it remains a sexual practice associated with sadomasochism. Precautions should therefore be taken.

  • The consent of both partners is the basis of any bondage practice.
  • Set together the limits not to be exceeded and together define a “code” or “safe word” to say if one of the two partners wishes to interrupt the session
  • It is best to remove jewelry and piercings that could interfere with the movement of the links, or even cling to them.
  • Take care not to compress a joint or a nerve, this could leave sequelae
  • Remember: it is not at all a question of suffering, so be sure to always tighten the links without forcing too much

These parents tried their hand at strapped sex

In principle, we grasped the idea, but in practice? Those who have tried are certainly the best placed to talk about it. And you know what ? Among them, completely respectable parents, far from the image of deviance that some may have. This is the case of Clarisse, who confides as follows: “Having me attached freed me from my role as a mother. We had the impression of not being able to find ourselves with my husband since our second child. After receiving in a raffle at the office a pair of handcuffs, I offered to try it for fun and we loved it. Since then, we have explored bondage a little more, while remaining quite soft. It’s a very special feeling, but also, it shows a great trust between him and me. It brought us closer”.

a young dad, attached his partner from time to time before having children and they continued this sexual game: “I must admit, I like this feeling of power over my wife, it excites me. at home, she’s the one who manages a lot of things and I do the work. There, the roles are reversed to the delight of everyone. It’s not with each report, but when I see that she pulls out the handcuffs, I know we’re going to have a good time…”